Rudy coco! It's Namibia F1!!

Akhenaten · Pro player

RE: Rudy coco! It's Namibia F1!!

Akhenaten · Pro player

A Clue?

5 miles down the road, we stopped, I turned to my faithful trembling hippo, and noticed something dangling from his ear. A plastic envelope. It was an access pass - Yannick must have picked it up from that hideous figure. Looking closer, I saw it was a pass to the centre court commentary box!!

Hmmm... There was much to ponder.

Was Hacs behind all this? Was it possible that Brewer could beat Sherif Sabry?? If Alex Somogyi developed a more aggressive forehand, could he become a title contender??? And just what is the capital of Burkino Faso????

My brain ached. So I ate my other sandwich.

Akhenaten · Pro player

Ouagadougou!

The quarterfinals draw :

Preg Rusevski (MKD) vs Mario Tupy (AUT)
King Komlavi Loglo (TOG) vs Sherif Sabry (EGY)
Alex Somogyi (SVK) vs Bertie Steinberger (AUT)
Middelkoop (NED) vs Pavel Katliarou (BLR)

I'm very excited about the Loglo-Sabry match. There's always great rivalry whenever Togo play Egypt at any sport.

Akhenaten · Pro player

The Mysterious Adventures of Yannick the Hippo & The Mystery of the Mysterious Passageway

Late last night, I snuck into the commentary box, Yannick in tow, to hunt for more clues. The place was a mess. Books, clothes, wrappers everywhere! I picked up a dusty book called "Jimmy Connors Saved My Life". A whirring noise... whirred. And a secret passageway opened up. Woo!

Music emanated from the passage. Dire, awful music. "I've had the time of my life." We tiptoed past pictures of former Sudan F1 champions - Vejmelka, Leonte. "No I never felt this way before." Past Guga Curtains, Pete Silverback, George W. Barth. "Yes I swear..." Skulking further into the tunnel. Past Egcup, Makonro, Ciberman, Ravel. "Behind this mask I wear..." Edging our way in. "The Phantom of the..." Then suddenly a terrifying monster dropped from the rafters. Zoinks!

Yannick jumped into my arms and squashed me.

"Like Lets Get Outta Here!" We ran. And ran and ran. We scrambled over the gates and bumped into a shifty-looking doughnut-man. Still trembling, he kindly made us a massive eight-decker sandwich. Mmmm!!

Akhenaten · Pro player

Loglo vs Sabry

At precisely 1pm, Komlavi Loglo, the Togoan King, walked on court. That's right, he simply walked, no fireworks, no juggling bears, just a man walking out for a tennis match. The Togoan fans cheered wildly.

A confident-looking, Sherif Sabry followed. Extraordinarily, the Egyptians even out-hollered the Togoans.

Sabry got off the better start with an early break - Loglo seeming oddly distracted. The first set went to the Egyptian 6-3.

Loglo fought back in the second set, but failed to convert any of his numerous break-points. At 5-6, serving to save to match Loglo foolishly went for far too many extravagant winners, and lost the game to love.

And so Sherif Sabry marched on into the semis. The doughtnut-man's fortune-telling really is a thing to be marvelled.

In a Sue Darka court-side interview, King Loglo announced, "This will be the last match the King of Togo will ever play."

"Oooh! Gasp! Mutter, mumble, are we out of biscuits?" exclaimed an agog crowd.

Akhenaten · Pro player

Preg and Middelkoop ease on through

Rusevski and Middelkoop effortlessly reached the semis, with wining scorelines of 6-3 6-0 and 6-2 6-2 respectively. Producing the entrancing semi-final line-up of...

Preg RUSEVSKI (MKD) Vs Sherif SABRY (EGY)
Bertie STEINBERGER (AUT) Vs MIDDELKOOP (NED)

Akhenaten · Pro player

The Semifinal Result

On Saturday, Preg Rusevski looked to be easing to an easy win over Sherif Sabry taking the first set, 6-2. Preg then started hearing voices, "Oh, I say," echoed the Ghost of Dan Maskell, "6-2. Ooh! Beware Predrag Rusevski! Beware!". "Humbug," replied Rusevski. But with the apparition still haunting his thoughts, he lost the next set, 7-5. Trying to regain concentration Rusevski stared at his racquet, but the face of Dan Maskell only stared back, "Oooh I say!" Rusevski lost 2-6 7-5 7-5.

So Sherif Sabry was through to the final to face the awesome Middelkoop.

Akhenaten · Pro player

The Final Apocalypse

Sabry and Middelkoop walked on to the centre court accompanied by thunderous applause. Middelkoop took the first set 6-3. The retractable roof then closed up. And the mayhem started. The Devil descended from the roof, engulfed in fire, flame and fury. The lights went out. People began fleeing from their seats. "RUN! Tennis fans. RUN!" The Devil alit by the blaze, laughed a terrible laugh, and retched a scream too desolate for words. "THE END IS NIGH!! Tennis fans. NIGH! THE END IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!!!!!!!"

All of a sudden, a bucketful of water flew at the Devil. And a hippo sat on top of him. Flash-lights shone on the little red guy. And the people sat back in their seats.

Putting my bucket down, I nervously walked out, to unmask the villain.

A gasp erupted around the world.

TAP HACS. It wasn't.

THE DOUGHNUT MAN.

No, it wasn't him either. Peeling back the latex mask, I uncovered...

GEORGE W. BARTH.

OOOOooooooooooooooo!!

Then I did my Poirot bit:
"Clue No. 1: The American accent - at the crossroads."
"Clue No. 2: Dirty Dancing and the Phantom Of The Opera music - your passion for dancing, welders and musicals is well documented."
"Clue No. 3: Your newly acquired 'W' - that obviously represents the chalice and the blade - the sacred feminine and masculine - which proves Jesus has a blood line alive and well, and that Leonardo Da Vinci was an alien from the planet Hingis."
"Er... thinking about it, that last clue needs a little more thought."

"And all because you can no longer deal with the fact that you can't compete with the young players. You've done a terrible thing, George W. Barth. You've let your fans down." (Daouda Ndiaye blubbed.)

Barth looked resigned, "Yes it's all true. I wanted to rid the world of these personality-drought-laden youngsters. And bring back the days of real stars, like me! And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids, and your pesky hippo!"

Then the tennis continued. Middelkoop won 6-3 6-2.

-- Edited by Akhenaten at 12:43, 2007-12-03

Akhenaten · Pro player

The Return of the Ciberman

Excitingly, Sudan F1 was honoured with the presence of Iceland's Benny Ciberman* to present trophies. It was first time Benny had visited Sudan F1 since his famous final with Kenya's infamous bad boy, Dalik Makonro.

Ciberman presented the trophy, shook Middelkoop's hand, and crushed it.

"Yay!" shouted Bogdan Leonte. He'd hoped for a damaged leg, but a crushed hand was just as good!

*In the late 1970s, Ciberman won 5 Sudan F1's in a row, only failing on his 6th attempt, because he kept tripping over his beard. He had a superstition that meant he wouldn't shave until he lost a match at Sudan F1. And in 6 years a beard can get awfully long.

Akhenaten · Pro player

The End Is Indeed Nigh

And so this great Ultimate Showdown has ended.

And what have we learnt.

Well... maybe we learnt the word "doughnut" can be over used. Maybe we learnt Yannick is an awful name for a hippo. Maybe, we learnt that Neptune's moon, Triton, orbits in a retrograde motion. Actually, I'm sure we didn't learn that, but now we have, and that can only be a good thing.

Congratulations Middelkoop!!!

A ballgirl ran up to Middelkoop, and handed him a bouquet of flowers.

Middelkoop thanked the girl, and his skeleton lit up like a light bulb. Electrical charges illuminated his insides, Middelkoop muttered, "AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!"

(Bogdan 'The Saviour' Leonte chuckled to himself, "At last, I GOT HIM!!!")

-- Edited by Akhenaten at 12:48, 2007-12-03

Count Zero · Tennis legend

Go Bogdan

wolf · Tennis legend

Thanks for these wonderful stories!