Rudy coco! It's Namibia F1!!

Salmon · Tennis legend

Rudy coco! It's Namibia F1!!

Akhenaten · Pro player

Hello. Still stuck down this hole and feeling very grumpy.

Found Talal "Doom Doom" Ouahabi lurking in the dark recesses of the place last evening. He said he's had a bit of tax-fraud trouble and is need of the money. Not sure what he meant, but he managed to make me feel even grumpier!

Last night, some hideous woman in a hideous white suit was thrown in here too (it's getting very crowded). She straight away started running our hole like a business! Making our poor chef make mealy worm risottos, and selling them back up to the Antandek tribe. Now we've got 12 Congo Francs and absolutely no food! I can't stand her! Get me out of here!

Akhenaten · Pro player

Message from Rwanda (2)

Hi Ak

Sorry to hear about the Congo hole. Things good here. Though sadly Middelkoop still has two perfectly good legs. The doughnut-man now says Middelkoop will win even with one leg. I am a bit upset by that. :(

There are a lot of British here! You cannot move without bump into one. People are calling it the "Amadeus Fulford-Jones effect". But have not seen the Maestro himself.

Stay happy.

Bodgan.

PS. We've got a lovely dinner lined up for tonight (Wild Boar Sausages on Toasted Walnut Bread with Parsley & Caper Salsa, followed by Fillet of Ostrich Steak with a Citrus, Olive & Parsley Glaze with Wilted Spinach, followed by Chocolate Fudge Profiteroles).

PPS. Probably shouldn't have told you that.

Akhenaten · Pro player

Coming soon...

On the 26th of November.

The ultimate showdown begins.

Sudan F1
_______________________________________________

Preg Rusevski
vs
Professor Vejmelka
vs
King Loglo

_____________________________________________________

Also starring: Bodgan "The Saviour" Leonte, Richie Ruckelshausen, "Doom Doom" Ouahabi, George Barth, and Matwe "the soon-to-be-Rwanda-F1-champion-according-to-the-Doughnut-Man" Middelkoop.

For more information click here

-- Edited by Akhenaten at 16:10, 2007-11-14

Akhenaten · Pro player

Message from Rwanda (3)

Hi

Fantastic meal last night. Was cautious at start. Rumours of serial Rwandan tennis-poisoners abound. But no one keeled over and died in first 10 mins so dug in and scoffed up the lot. Nice wine too. Lofo Ramiaramanan got a bit tipsy - he dropped a bottle of Beaujolais on Middelkoop's foot. Woohoo, I thought - a broken foot! But sadly there was hardly any blood, and he got away with just a gangrenous metatarsal. That's what Dr. Jamie Feaver said anyway. Damn. :(

Doughnut-Man led the after-dinner karaoke. Ed Seator did a lovely version of Anarchy In The UK, dedicating it to his homeland. Beautiful stuff. :)

I did the Boy Westerhof classic, "The Happy Camel", but got booed off after 30 seconds. Tennis players wouldn't know class if it slapped them in the face with a wet kipper. They wouldn't even join in with the actions! :(

Have fun down the hole.

Bogdan.

PS. Very happy - into quarters - beat an illuminating South African. :)

Akhenaten · Pro player

Message from Rwanda (4)

Hi,

The Doughnut-Man says Middelkoop would win Rwanda F1 if blindfolded now.

Desperate needs require desperate measures.

I saw Middelkoop head out in his car this morning. So I rushed out on my bike - paintbrush and paint in hand. I speedily painted a cave entrance on the side of a mountain, and redirected the road to head straight for it, ran up the cliff path and waited for Middelkoop to arrive.

Minutes later, a care-free Middelkoop came hurtling down the road heading straight towards my cunning trap. Hahaha! He kept going, kept going, kept going, and went straight through my cave and out the other side! Peculiar I thought. Got on my bike to try the same thing. I headed for the cave, pedalling hard, kept pedalling, kept pedalling, and then a "1 Tonne" weight fell from the sky on to my head. Ouch!

Now in 2-D, I got out my bicycle pump and inflated myself, got back on my bike and rode back to the tennis.

Grrrr! I'll get that Middelkoop - just see if I don't.

Bogdan.

Salmon · Tennis legend

Nice sig, haha.

Now we need someone making references to quaternary.

imoen · Admin: Moderator+Tennis Legend

that's got to be one of the best so far Akhenaten, thank you. You never fail to make me laugh! I hope you get out of the hole soon, anything I can send you in the meantime?

Akhenaten · Pro player

Message from Uganda

Hi

Into in the semis. :) Got Middelkoop. :(

I needed a plan fast.

I knocked up a rather splendid 100ft by 100ft painting of a road winding beautifully to the horizon. Found a cliff, hung up my marvellous painting, redirected the road, had a cup of tea, and waited.

Soon, Middelkoop came hurtling down the road in his shiny new car. Getting closer. And closer. And then he gave a wink back down the road. Eh!? Next thing I knew I was holding a stick of dynamite.

In panic, I tore through my rather fabulous painting, and found myself running on thin air - stick of dynamite in hand. I looked down, went "AAAAAAhhh!!", the dynamite went "BOOOOOMMM!!", and I fell 300ft into an open ravine. And was eaten by a crocodile. Who was then hit by a meteorite.

Luckily, I'm okay now. But grrr - I'll get that Middelkoop just see if I don't.

Bogdan.

Akhenaten · Pro player

Kampala

Sounds like things look are hotting up Kampala. The Queen of Great Britain has turned up!

In the Uganda F1 semis, the King Loglo faces a Romanian, and Bogdan "The Saviour" Leonte takes on the in-form Middelkoop. Quite a line-up!

And in the Congo - they've let me out the hole. Hurray!

I soon spotted Yannick the hippo hanging around by the edge of the forest. I ran over - and he gave me a big lick round the chops. Aaah!

We are now hurriedly making our way to Khartoum.

It's just too pants-wettingly exciting for words next week, Predrag Rusevski, Adam Vejmelka and Komlavi Loglo meet for the first time ever in competition ever. That's ever!

Ever, ever, ever!!! Ever.

Ever.

Ugh! What's that horrid smell? Ugh! And why's everything so damp?

-- Edited by Akhenaten at 14:20, 2007-11-23

Akhenaten · Pro player

Latest scores from Uganda...

Semifinals

Matwe MIDDELKOOP (NED) defeated Bogdan-Victor LEONTE (ROU) 6-4 6-0
Komlavi LOGLO (TOG) defeated Gabriel MORARU (ROU) 6-4 6-4

Looks like poor Bogdan got a walloping from Middelkoop.

So it's a Loglo - Middelkoop final. A mouth-watering prospect for anyone (not travelling up the Nile on the back of hippo).

The latest Sudan F1 odds?

Here they are...

5/2 Preg Rusevski
3/1 King Komlavi Loglo
3/1 Prof. Adam Vejmelka
4/1 Middelkoop
33/1 Bogdan "The Saviour" Leonte
40/1 "Doom Doom" Ouahabi
50/1 Slabinsky / Sabry
100/1 Sabeckis / Ruckelshausen
250/1 Brewer / Jallali
1,000,000/1 A Sudanese win

I don't remember the last time Loglo wasn't the favourite going into a tournament.

"Dismiss Loglo At Your Peril!!!!"

That's my far too over-the-top advice to anybody who's polite enough to listen to me.

Akhenaten · Pro player

WOOOOOOOCAAAAHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!*

So this is it.

The time has arrived. The greatest players on our planet have gathered in the city of Khartoum.

For years, this is what the world of tennis has been yearning for.

The lights are dimmed...

The curtain is rising...

Sudan F1 is about to begin...

Loglo, Rusevski & Vejmelka meet at last.

This is... The Ultimate Showdown.

* The mating call of the endangered Red-Breasted Jallali Bird

Akhenaten · Pro player

Starring...

King Komlavi Loglo - reigning Cameroon F1, Senegal F2 & Nigeria F1 champion.
Predrag Rusevski - reigning Ghana F1 & Ghana F2 champion.
Professor Adam Vejmelka - reigning Sudan F1 champion. Rwanda F1 & Uganda F1 champion 2006.

Also featuring...

Bogdan "The Saviour" Leonte - Sudan F1 2005 champion.
Richie Ruckelshausen - reigning Botswana F1 champion.
Talal "Doom Doom" Ouahabi - Botswana F1 & Kenya F1 champion 2006.
Sherif Sabry - reigning Egypt F7 champion.
Oualid Jallali - Ghana F1 champion 2006.

with special guest star...

Middelkoop - reigning Rwanda F1 & Uganda F1 champion.

Oh my lord. What a line-up!!

-- Edited by Akhenaten at 08:37, 2007-11-26

Akhenaten · Pro player

A Prof. Vejmelka Exclusive

I'm very pleased with myself. Yesterday, I got an exclusive interview with Professor Adam Vejmelka. I asked him about his reputation for non-stop grumpiness.

Vejmelka replied, "I'm not grumpy, I just concentrate a lot. I train very hard and take tennis very seriously. Grumpy, no. Fun, yes."
So I asked him if he had any hobbies?
"Yes, yes. I collect data. I analysis and produce formulas. Much fun. V = 2.67T + 2.3*(4/SK - 7j) cubed. That's one of mine. It is very good isn't it? I am a very interesting and funny guy. Here's a joke - why are Halloween and Christmas exactly the same??"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Because Oct 31 = Dec 25."
Eh????
"You see, Octal 31 is 25 in Decimal. Haha! Is that not very funny?"
"That is not very funny," I replied simply.

We shook hands. Vejmelka walked off, and trod in a pile of poo. Yannick!!

Akhenaten · Pro player

A Rusevski Exclusive

Not only did I get that Vejjy exclusive, I caught up with Preg Rusevski too!

I started my interview by saying hello. (Ingenious, don't you think?)

Rusevski replied, " Yo dawg, wuz up? It's all good up here in dis hood." Grin. "You know the Wildcats score? No. Y'all people! What 'chew trippin foo'." Grin. I asked how his Macedonian integration was going. "Yeah. Tight man. Totally awesome." Grin. "Sports Personality 2007. Tight! Yo! High five!"

I completely missed his hand, and slapped him full in the face. Oops. Still, his Macedonian seems to be coming on well.

Preg walked away, and trod in a pile of poo. Yannick!!!