Bad 'Dad Joke' type jokes - content warning: Puns

Status Quo · Intermediate Club Player

Bad 'Dad Joke' type jokes - content warning: Puns

Status Quo · Intermediate Club Player

These days I'm taking it one day at a time. So is everybody. That's how time works.
(Hannibal Buress)

Tennpar · Strong Club Player

Status Quo wrote:
These days I'm taking it one day at a time. So is everybody. That's how time works.
(Hannibal Buress)

One of my favourites smile

Status Quo · Intermediate Club Player

I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.
I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes

Shhh · Challenger level

If you get an email offering you some cheap tinned meat don't open it

Its probably spam

Status Quo · Intermediate Club Player

I heard a rumour that Cadbury is launching an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa
(Rob Auton)

Status Quo · Intermediate Club Player

Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?
(Dan Antopolski)

Status Quo · Intermediate Club Player

Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.
(Erik Lancaster)

Status Quo · Intermediate Club Player

I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: I mean, It's not rocket salad.
(Lou Sanders)

Status Quo · Intermediate Club Player

Two hunters are out one day when one collapses. His comrade calls 999 and says, "Help! My friend is dead!"
The 999 operator replies, "Calm down sir, I can help. First let's make sure your friend is actually dead."
There is a pause, and then a loud bang.
The hunter then asks, "OK, now what?"
(original outline for this much repeated joke, and it's many slight variations comes from a Goon Show script, by Spike Milligan)

Bob in Spain · Tennis legend

Status Quo wrote:
Two hunters are out one day when one collapses. His comrade calls 999 and says, "Help! My friend is dead!"
The 999 operator replies, "Calm down sir, I can help. First let's make sure your friend is actually dead."
There is a pause, and then a loud bang.
The hunter then asks, "OK, now what?"
(original outline for this much repeated joke, and it's many slight variations comes from a Goon Show script, by Spike Milligan)

Reminded me of this one.

Two friends out camping in the woods when they are confronted by a huge grizzly bear.

Friend one reaches down to put on his shoes and tie up his laces.

Friend two says, "What are you doing ? You can't outrun a bear."

Friend one replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."

Bonus point for anyone who can tell me which film that joke is taken from. smile

JonH comes home · Tennis legend

Status Quo wrote:
Two hunters are out one day when one collapses. His comrade calls 999 and says, "Help! My friend is dead!"
The 999 operator replies, "Calm down sir, I can help. First let's make sure your friend is actually dead."
There is a pause, and then a loud bang.
The hunter then asks, "OK, now what?"
(original outline for this much repeated joke, and it's many slight variations comes from a Goon Show script, by Spike Milligan)

Fab!

Shhh · Challenger level

Bob in Spain wrote:
Status Quo wrote:
Two hunters are out one day when one collapses. His comrade calls 999 and says, "Help! My friend is dead!"
The 999 operator replies, "Calm down sir, I can help. First let's make sure your friend is actually dead."
There is a pause, and then a loud bang.
The hunter then asks, "OK, now what?"
(original outline for this much repeated joke, and it's many slight variations comes from a Goon Show script, by Spike Milligan)
Reminded me of this one.
Two friends out camping in the woods when they are confronted by a huge grizzly bear.
Friend one reaches down to put on his shoes and tie up his laces.
Friend two says, "What are you doing ? You can't outrun a bear."
Friend one replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."
Bonus point for anyone who can tell me which film that joke is taken from.

I don't know Bob but I am intrigued? I often quote that very joke to my children (they insist its not in the least bit funny) as a reminder when they are struggling at a task

Status Quo · Intermediate Club Player

Bob in Spain wrote:
Status Quo wrote:
Two hunters are out one day when one collapses. His comrade calls 999 and says, "Help! My friend is dead!"
The 999 operator replies, "Calm down sir, I can help. First let's make sure your friend is actually dead."
There is a pause, and then a loud bang.
The hunter then asks, "OK, now what?"
(original outline for this much repeated joke, and it's many slight variations comes from a Goon Show script, by Spike Milligan)
Reminded me of this one.
Two friends out camping in the woods when they are confronted by a huge grizzly bear.
Friend one reaches down to put on his shoes and tie up his laces.
Friend two says, "What are you doing ? You can't outrun a bear."
Friend one replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."
Bonus point for anyone who can tell me which film that joke is taken from.

Bob in Spain · Tennis legend

Shhh wrote:
Bob in Spain wrote:
Status Quo wrote:
Two hunters are out one day when one collapses. His comrade calls 999 and says, "Help! My friend is dead!"
The 999 operator replies, "Calm down sir, I can help. First let's make sure your friend is actually dead."
There is a pause, and then a loud bang.
The hunter then asks, "OK, now what?"
(original outline for this much repeated joke, and it's many slight variations comes from a Goon Show script, by Spike Milligan)
Reminded me of this one.
Two friends out camping in the woods when they are confronted by a huge grizzly bear.
Friend one reaches down to put on his shoes and tie up his laces.
Friend two says, "What are you doing ? You can't outrun a bear."
Friend one replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."
Bonus point for anyone who can tell me which film that joke is taken from.

I don't know Bob but I am intrigued? I often quote that very joke to my children (they insist its not in the least bit funny) as a reminder when they are struggling at a task

Well apparently there is more than one. Status Quo has given one that I didn't know about.

I got it from a film called "The Imitation Game". If you like historical factual drama, this one is about Alan Turing (Benedict Cumberbatch) and his efforts to break the Enigma coding machine in WW2. He quotes it as an effort to win over his work colleagues who haven't really taken to him.