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Post Info TOPIC: Bad 'Dad Joke' type jokes - content warning: Puns


Intermediate Club Player

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Bad 'Dad Joke' type jokes - content warning: Puns


Hello,

Whilst we have no tennis, and plenty to be concerned about, I am going to post a bad joke every day.
Worst case scenario, you will have something else other than the current ubiquitous suspects, at which to channel your anger and frustrations.

Best case scenario, perhaps at least one other person will get a brief smile in trying times.

Here's a taste (credits where known):

 - What's the best way to carve wood?
 - Whittle by whittle.

 - How do you catch squirrels?
 - Have a one night stand with a hollow tree. 
(Graeme Garden)

So, now suitably in mood, here is todays official 'joke':

- Do you know what an Acorn is?
- In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

 

Feel free to add your own, little by little

Best wishes to all, be safe & well.



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Tennis legend

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Like it

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Intermediate Club Player

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To kill a French Vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy but the process is pain staking.

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Tennis legend

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Status Quo wrote:

To kill a French Vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy but the process is pain staking.


 biggrinbiggrinbiggrin

OK.  That one got me.



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Challenger level

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Getting ready for an evening out at the weekend my wife asked me to pass her lipstick. By mistake I passed her a glue stick.

 

 

 

 

She's still not talking to me.



-- Edited by Shhh on Tuesday 17th of March 2020 02:10:52 PM

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 Its really not as bad as they say :)



Tennis legend

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Keep going all !

(French one has been circulated to relevant friends, tx Status Quo)

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Intermediate Club Player

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I have my insect killing exams tomorrow. So, I'll be swotting away for those today.

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Futures level

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My Dad sent me this dad joke which is apparently doing the rounds on Twitter:

There are reports from Germany of panic buying of sausages and cheese- its a Wurst Kase scenario

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Tennis legend

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I will take from the master, Tim Vine, and put up 4 of his:

"Id like to start with the chimney jokes Ive got a stack of them. The first one is on the house."

"I did a gig in a fertility clinic. I got a standing ovulation."

"I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper - dicing with death."

"I rang up British Telecom and said: 'I want to report a nuisance caller.' He said: 'Not you again.'"

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Intermediate Club Player

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JonH comes home wrote:

I will take from the master, Tim Vine,


I've had to deliberately steer clear of Tim Vine Here, otherwise the whole thing would probably end up being just him! 



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Tennis legend

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Status Quo wrote:
JonH comes home wrote:

I will take from the master, Tim Vine,


I've had to deliberately steer clear of Tim Vine Here, otherwise the whole thing would probably end up being just him! 


 Yes, that is true!!



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Intermediate Club Player

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I don't like to brag but I can control a kayak brilliantly. Canoe?
(Adele Cliff)

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Intermediate Club Player

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Anyone want this broken barometer? No pressure.
(Milton Jones)

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Tennis legend

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Ill go old school.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.

What do you call a man in the sea with no legs or arms?

Bob (sorry if that causes offence !)

What do you call a man with a spade?

Doug

What do you call a man without a spade?

Douglas

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Intermediate Club Player

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Things are so bad, that my wife just told me it's raining, and my immediate response was to say, "but just water, right, not frogs or fire or anything?"
(Ken White)

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