Not since Charles Edward Stuart rowed ashore at Eriskay on July 23, 1745, had the clans looked forward to an arrival into their midst with such clamorous excitement. Bonnie Prince Andy was coming home to his ain folk.

But when the boat sailed up the Clyde to the Braehead Arena, who walked down the gangplank? Greg Rusedski, of Montreal, Quebec, and Arnold Palmer, from Hitchin, Hertfordshire, that's who.

"It's Parmar, dear," whispered a latter-day Flora McDonald to her mystified husband.

"Who?"

"Ar-vind Par-mar."

"I thought Arnold Palmer was a bit long in the tooth. So where's this Andy Murray geezer?"

"He's got a sore leg and Amazonian swamp fever or something, so he isn't playing until tomorrow."

"Then what the hell are we doing here today?"

That, I'm afraid to say, is what most of the 4,000 spectators were asking one another as day one of the first Davis Cup tie to be played in Scotland for 36 years ended with Great Britain and Serbia/Montenegro level at 1-1, Rusedski beating Janko Tipsarevic 6-3, 6-7, 7-5, 7-5 and Parmar losing 6-3, 6-2, 7-5 to Novak Djokovic.

Before Murray opted out of the opening singles, captain Jeremy Bates voiced the hope that Glasgow would provide a "football-type" crowd generating a "rip their heads off" atmosphere. But without Murray to fire local passions, the Braehead Arena bore little resemblance to the raw hostility of Ibrox or Parkhead.

To be fair to the welcoming committee who had assembled to greet their young heir to the throne of King Tim, they made all the right noises - warm cheers whenever Greg or Arvie won a point, polite applause when Tipsarevic or Djokovic struck a winner - but they had paid to see their hero hitting forehands and backhands, not sitting slouched under a baseball cap at courtside.

Since Britain competed in the inaugural Davis Cup in 1900, 108 players have represented the Union flag and Parmar, it has to be said, has a record second to almost everyone.

He made his debut against Ecuador in 2000 when he contrived to lose to Giovanni Lapentti (an entry in the Who's That? of tennis) on Wimbledon's No 1 Court after winning the first two sets.

Currently ranked 206th in the world, Parmar said: "The Davis Cup is a funny thing, anyone can beat anyone." That may be so but Arvie, alas, could not beat the 64th-ranked Djorkovic, an occasional doubles partner of the sick-note bearing Murray.

With Henman taking a Davis Cup sabbatical which will, in all probability, prove permanent and Rusedski nearing the end of his career, our adopted Canadian Mountie was speaking from the heart when he said: "What we need is someone to come knocking on the door and knock me off. We want a youngster to back Andy up."

With his overall Davis Cup record now reading played six, lost six, Parmar is unlikely to be that man.

The main talking point among the audience during the Rusedski-Tipsarevic encounter was whether our visitor was wearing prescription spectacles or 'I am a prat' sunglasses. As the match was played indoors while outdoors it was a typical Glaswegian spring morning of driving rain, sleet and hailstones, the consensus was that Tipsarevic might be a tad short-sighted.

There then ensued a discussion on the number of leading players who wore spectacles (it was that kind of a day). I can remember Jaroslav Drobny, Billie Jean Moffitt/King as was, Clark Graebner, Arthur Ashe and Martina Navratilova, but if you can recall any others I would be delighted to hear from you on this subject.

Haste ye back, Andy.

Taken from:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/main.jhtml?view=DETAILS&grid=&xml=/sport/2006/04/08/stphil08.xml