Please note that the Bank is installing new Drive-through cash-machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have Been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.
MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up, pull forward, back up and so forth and repeat as many times as required to align car window with the ATM machine. 3. Set parking brake. Put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents and place on passenger seat to locate bank card. 5. Tell person you've been speaking to on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card in ATM. 9. Re-insert card the right way with magnetic strip pointing the way the little picture indicates. 10. Dig through handbag and examine each receipt to see if PIN # is written there. Finally, search through your Address Book to find your PIN written on the inside of the back page. 11. Enter PIN into ATM machine . 12. Press Cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of cheque book. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Re-start stalled engine and pull off. 25. Re-dial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.
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Count Zero - Creator of the Statistical Tennis Extrapolation & Verification ENtity or, as we like to call him, that steven.
My husband once drove off with the handbrake on. . .. and years ago, when we had a steering wheel lock that was a great big red thing called a Crooklock that you locked over the steering wheel to completely immobilise it - he drove off with that on too