British Tennis Forum - Celebrating 20 Years!

simon381 · Lower Club Player

RE: A difficult subject

Christine · Strong Club Player

AB1984 wrote:
Again i'm more of a follower on this board than a poster but these subjects are so important to talk about.

So to be open about my own situation, im a 41 year old male that lives with bi polar, BPD and ADHD. I've had problems since i was 14 when a friend of mine passed away.

I would say ive made approximately 10 attempts on my life but none more final than the 29th September 2024 I'd made up my mind that was going to be my final day. When people say to me now you should have picked up the phone i would have listened it really isnt that simple, you are so far detached from reality it's very very scary when I look back but I felt completely in control that day for the first time in a very long time if not ever. Sussex CCC were going to win the Div 2 that day so i was going to see that and sit with my mates in the deckchairs one last time, i took a trip to my local after for a celebratory beer and again to visit and see everyone one last time. I then took myself off and alone, well you know, i wont go into too much detail. This was around 10pm at night im guessing and someone must have either seen me or i was acting strangely because an Ambulance turned up or me, i still have no idea who called it but whoever did saved my life.

I felt a lot of anger towards that for a few weeks after as i began my recovery because i felt the control i had was snatched away from me but I made a promise to myself I was going to do everything i possibly could to not let it beat me. So i attended every piece of counselling I could, saw a very doctor who now has me on the right medication. I sought out alternative methods (some work and some are bordering on witchcraft ) but I did it, now im thriving in all aspects of my life and although i still have my moments i feel I have the tools and above all else the strength and the will to never let beat me.

This certainly isnt an easy thing to write but it's so important that people that are struggling know that there is always another way out, it isnt easy but you can and will beat it.

Thank you for sharing your story, I have in the past been close to suicide, but didn't have the courage and didn't want to hurt family and friends. Once I shared it with friends it made me and our relationship stronger and feel grateful to be alive and enjoying life in my retirement!

JonH comes home · Tennis legend

Christine wrote:
AB1984 wrote:
Again i'm more of a follower on this board than a poster but these subjects are so important to talk about.

So to be open about my own situation, im a 41 year old male that lives with bi polar, BPD and ADHD. I've had problems since i was 14 when a friend of mine passed away.

I would say ive made approximately 10 attempts on my life but none more final than the 29th September 2024 I'd made up my mind that was going to be my final day. When people say to me now you should have picked up the phone i would have listened it really isnt that simple, you are so far detached from reality it's very very scary when I look back but I felt completely in control that day for the first time in a very long time if not ever. Sussex CCC were going to win the Div 2 that day so i was going to see that and sit with my mates in the deckchairs one last time, i took a trip to my local after for a celebratory beer and again to visit and see everyone one last time. I then took myself off and alone, well you know, i wont go into too much detail. This was around 10pm at night im guessing and someone must have either seen me or i was acting strangely because an Ambulance turned up or me, i still have no idea who called it but whoever did saved my life.

I felt a lot of anger towards that for a few weeks after as i began my recovery because i felt the control i had was snatched away from me but I made a promise to myself I was going to do everything i possibly could to not let it beat me. So i attended every piece of counselling I could, saw a very doctor who now has me on the right medication. I sought out alternative methods (some work and some are bordering on witchcraft ) but I did it, now im thriving in all aspects of my life and although i still have my moments i feel I have the tools and above all else the strength and the will to never let beat me.

This certainly isnt an easy thing to write but it's so important that people that are struggling know that there is always another way out, it isnt easy but you can and will beat it.
Thank you for sharing your story, I have in the past been close to suicide, but didn't have the courage and didn't want to hurt family and friends. Once I shared it with friends it made me and our relationship stronger and feel grateful to be alive and enjoying life in my retirement!

That's so lovely to hear and long may it continue!