Rudy coco! It's Namibia F1!!

Akhenaten · Pro player

RE: Rudy coco! It's Namibia F1!!

imoen · Admin: Moderator+Tennis Legend

This is super Akhenaten, keep it up!

Akhenaten · Pro player

The debris

After Klaasen's bombshell, the organisers scurried around desperate to find an opponent for Jamie Feaver. They found an Irishman called Tristan, elbowed him on to court, and Feaver duly thrashed him 6-3 6-3.

Feaver's opponent in round two will be Richie Ruckelshausen who was highly entertaining during his 6-1 6-2 win over the Australian, Harrison Keyser.

Akhenaten · Pro player

Dead Ringer Ruckelshausen

The Namibians have really taken Richie Ruckelshausen to their hearts, not only does he play highly entertaining tennis, he also does pretty mean impressions of his fellow players. His Loglo is so funny, he gets Komlavi's airs, graces and quirks down to a tee, and his Rudy Coco is fantastic too. He does so many - Bogdan Leonte, Ray Reardon, George Barth, George Bush, Dot Cotton.

His Bruce Forsyth is magnificient - "Great, smashing, super." "Let's have a look at what you could have won." "Keep out of the black and in the red - nothing in this game for two in a bed."

Come to think about it, that's not Brucey at all is it?? Okay, maybe I did over do the compliments, but compared to Richie's attempts at karaoke, this is like Renoir*.

* Great Impressionist you see. Ho ho ho!

Akhenaten · Pro player

A young lion stands on a cliff's edge, and looks out over the immense and beautiful land that stretches out before him - proud in the knowledge that some day all of this would be his.

Seconds later, a raven pisses off... and buggers up what would have been a rather nice poetic intro. grrrr!

Akhenaten · Pro player

The Show Must Go On

Rudy coco, eh? What on earth happened yesterday? This had championship had Raven Klaasen's name written all over it, and well... I'm gob-smacked, I'm in shock, I'm some-other-stuff-I-can't-quite-think-of too.

Anyhow, as they say in Zanzibar, the show must goes on, so after yesterday's festivities, I thought I'd pull myself together and grab an interview with some of Namibia's top juniors.

I managed to catch up with Ken Senyatsi (17) & Tamara Sibanda (18) both of whom are beginning to make strides in this tough tennissing world. We went for a pizza; it was eat-all-you-can-for-$1 night. Fabulous. Another discovery - Namibian beer is utterly fantastic! After the pizza place, we met up with a few more of their mates, and headed to their favourite nightclub - the Sugary Doughnut. We had a top (slightly debauched) night. These youngsters can really take their beer - I was very impressed - though Ken did throw up over a bouncer at one point.

With the events of yesterday and last night's revelries, my head now feels like it's being pounded by a barrage of Rusevski serves. Now, where did I put that Alka Seltzer?

By the way, I did get the interview. Here it is...

I probed, "What's your fave - hic - your fav'rite - hic - um, er... thing??"
Tamara: "Beer! Yay! Hoeky beer. Def'ly. And a kebab! Yay!"
Ken: "Burp!"
Tamara: "And Logwo! Mmm... Lovin' the Logwo. Mmm"
Ken: "Burp!"
Tamara: "And giant pizzas! Yay! They're the best! Giant mega feast meat pizzas with extra cheese and chillis and chocolate and... with Komfy Logwo. Yum! Naked. A naked Komfy Logwo. Yay! Mmm. Double yum! And beer... and a pizza... and a beer. Hic!"
Ken: "I don't feel well."

It was at this point that Ken chundered all over the bouncer. Luckily for Ken, top international tennis players can run far faster than your average bouncer. (Even top international tennis players with 4 pizzas and 10 pints inside them. Well at least some amount of beer and pizza still inside of them.)

-- Edited by Akhenaten at 10:20, 2007-10-31

Akhenaten · Pro player

Message from Lahore (2)

Hi

Feeling grumpy. Tennis going badly. Me and Vejjy lost in round 1 of doubles. Vejjy was rubbish. Spent half the time on the floor. Barthy's leg's in plaster. Grass is stupid.

Bogdan

PS. Rocketed a mackerel to 5km. Disappointed. :(

Akhenaten · Pro player

Can-Can - but Shouldn't-Shouldn't

A superb performance by top seed, Matteo Volante, yesterday, soon saw off his Namibian opponent, Jacobus Serdyn, with an easy 6-2 6-3 win.

While commentating on the match Tap Hacs, live on air, rashly bet his fellow commentary-booth-companion, Andi Rook, that if Volante doesn't now go on to win this title, he'll "dress up in a tennis frock and dance the can-can outside Windhoek Town Hall on finals day". A grinning Rook gladly accepted the bet, looking incredibly smug - so no change there then.

Akhenaten · Pro player

The Adventures of King Loglo and the Corkscrew Of Death!

Last week, King Loglo played in an RCHHTT* exhibition tournament in Barcelona. He was promoting the game in the tennis-arid country of Spain, in the hope of encouraging more Spanish kids to play tennis.

"One day a Spaniard will win Senegal F1 - I'm sure of it," predicted Loglo, "I'm just here to help make that happen sooner rather than later. Honk."
"Sorry, I'm under contract to say that H-word every interview," muttered the King of Togo.

This week, whilst on his diplomatic mission in Tunisia, King Loglo has sneakily entered a tennis tournament while out there. Yesterday, when his meeting with the Tunisian Minister For Astronautical Welfare was due to start, Komlavi was a break down in the 1st set against a plucky lad from Prague. Fortunately the Minister isn't a particularly busy man, and King Loglo made a quick recovery to win the match 7-6(0) 6-1, and only kept the Minister waiting 50 minutes.

Sorry, not sure where the "corkscrew of death" fitted into that story.

*Rudy Coco Honk Honk Tennis Trust

Akhenaten · Pro player

A funny incident with a flamingo

There was a funny incident yesterday, when one of the flamingos started waddling up to Lofo Ramiaramanan, the little player from Madagascar, during his 6-2 6-2 win, and began squawking at him. Oh it was hilarious! Really, it was very funny. No, it was. Honestly. Er... okay so you probably had to be there, but... well I found it funny. Um, probably wasn't worth mentioning was it.

Anyway, talking of the flamingos (did you see what I did there ;) ), Flamingo-Eye still has its critics, but everyone agrees it's infinitely better than the Chubby Chaffinch "innovation" that was incredulously tried out at the Malawi F1 Championships earlier this year.

The Marketing Department assured us that this format change was going to elevate the popularity of the game to uncharted territory; the 32 players all played the other players, 15 games a match, with the top seven going through into the Super-7 round, carrying over the points won against the top 18 players in the Chubby Chaffinch round, again playing each other player - first to 11 and a half games, with the top two going through to the final to play the player who finished third.

The tournament was eventually won (after many withdrawals and 17 days late) by an 8-year-old ball-girl called Yuya and a stray dog called Ferret.

(Thinking about it, maybe that wasn't worth mentioning either.)

RobC · All-time great

Akhenaten · Pro player

The Wonderful World of Boy Westerhof

After a lovely gemsbok pie lunch, I went for a walk round the outside courts, and soon spotted a familiar face! More blue than I remember, but still unmistakable - Boy Westerhof!

Boy Westerhof* resurfaced from his Belgian hideaway a few months ago (after his Eurovision crisis). Boy says he attained nirvana in his Bruges warehouse hideout, and was instantly converted to Buddhism; he since shaved his head, painted it blue and has taken to wearing ridiculous top hats.

On his re-emergence, upholding his reputation to surprise, Westerhof decided to turn his hand to umpiring, and has recently taken the tennis-umpiring world by storm. And wonderfully, Westerhof is here umpiring this week. Westerhof is back - and the world is a far more colourful place for that.

* Dutch nul-points-scoring-Eurovision-star, Nigeria F2 quarterfinalist & at one time tennis' favourite transvestite.

Akhenaten · Pro player

The Richie Ruckelshausen Show

I had a brief chat with Richie Ruckelshausen prior to his second round match with Jamie Feaver. He told me he'd been practicing hard. I patted him on the back, and wished him luck.

At 1:45pm: Ruckelshausen walked onto Court One. He turned to the crowd. Waved his arms. And shouted, "Nice to see you, to see you..." "Nice!!" hollered back a delighted crowd. Richie grinned, before emulating Rodin's The Thinker pose.

His practice had paid off big time. A wonderful performance.

It looked bad for Feaver, as Richie waltzed to the first set, 6-2. And things got even worse during the second set, when Jamie was accused of racquet abuse, and penalised a point. "Careful Jamie," warned Richie, "remember," he turned to his baying audience, "what do points mean?" They cried back in joyful fervour, "Prizes!!!"

Again, exquisite timing and so beautifully executed.

It was all too easy for Richie, who served an ace to seal his 6-2 6-3 victory; he went to the net to shake hands, "Good game. Good game," Richie sparked; then turning again to his adoring audience, "Didn't he do well?"

The crowd went wild!

Akhenaten · Pro player

The Dashed Hopes of a Young Elephant's Dream

As British hope, Edward Seator took to the court for his match against the talented 23-year-old Israeli, Saar Steele, things seemed to be progressing smoothly, at least until midway through the first set, when the Marketing Department suddenly appeared.

They were shoving cheer-leaders onto the court.

"E-D-W-A-R-D"
"Tennis is great, and so is Frisbee"
"S-E-A-T-O-R"
"Ed's got the same first name as Edward Elgar"

"Carry on," ushered the Marketing Department to the stunned-looking players.

They tried their best. Seator had just about regained concentration by the time he took the first set, only for two blinged-up "hommies" to amble onto court - rapping, cursing, and generally doing their "thang".

"It's what the young people, er... dig these days," mumbled the Marketing Department.

They shooed the tap-dancing elephant off before he could come onto court.

"Carry on," urged the Marketing Department, before quickly scuttling away.

Despite the all disturbances, the No. 2 seed, Seator, looked in impressive form with a 6-1 6-0 demolition of the man from Tel Aviv.

Akhenaten · Pro player

The Predrag Rusevski* files

Rumours explaining Preg Rusevski's defection from premier tennis have recently emerged. Allegedly, it's due to Alaskan threats on Rusevski's adopted country of Macedonia. Sources say that the Alaskan government is green with envy over what they see as Rusevski's betrayal, especially after his Ghana F1 victory. Further sources divulge that Alaskan officials are becoming visibly greener with every passing day - some reports mention "frogs"; others have mention of "muppets"; indeed one spoke of "frogs, muppets and sprouts" all within the same sentence.

The same "reliable" sources also state that if Preg sets foot at any future Royal Flush tournament, the formidable Alaskan State Navy (currently assembling off the Algerian coast) will be forced to take drastic action on the Former Yugoslav Republic. These are dangerous times - I'm currently hiding under the table. Though admittedly, that's mainly because I've just spotted a Trick-Or-Treater coming up the drive.

* Big-serving serial-grinning Alaskan-born Macedonian-living reigning Ghana F1 champion.