Rudy coco! It's Namibia F1!!

Akhenaten · Pro player

Rudy coco! It's Namibia F1!!

Akhenaten · Pro player

Woohoo! Surinam!!

Well well well. The world of tennis has rolled into Surinam.

Then suddenly realised it was in completely the wrong continent - panicked, ran up the street, ran back down, panicked again, jumped on a bus, boarded a plane, got stopped by a customs officer, handed over some illegal shampoo, squeezed sardine-like onto the train to Namibia, arrived (eventually), staggered up the broken escalator, and emerged, starry-eyed and knackered, into this wonderful city of Windhoek! Yay! Woo! And Yebo!

The world of tennis is now very tired, disoriented and badly hungry; but is far too excited for any kind of rest.

Oh my goodness! For the love of Loglo's hippos! The excitement is unbearable!

Rudy coco! It's Namibia F1!!!!

Madeline · Admin:Moderator + Tennis Legend

I can't wait. . .

Akhenaten · Pro player

Previously in Namibia F1...

Last year's champion, Mustafa Ghouse* is hopeful of retaining his title, but there's some mighty stiff opposition for the Indian this year... just a sec... damn... I had a list... a list of that mighty stiff opposition... it was written on a bit of paper, but I've gone and lost it... damn... er... well I'm sure you can imagine it - the big left-handed Egyptian, Gotaafa Albatros; the teenage protégé Weresmi Emu; and the edgy & hard-to-predict Desprat-Needafa Kockatoo - that sort of thing.

Sorry, got a bit flustered. Only just got here. I need a drink. And some shampoo.

*I offered him a swan, but he was adamant**.
**Though I was sure he was more like billyidol***.
***What!?

-- Edited by Akhenaten at 11:04, 2007-10-29

MrBaseliner · Social player

It's a dream of mine to play qualifiers in an african futures. I might even get to meet my hero Komlavi Loglo!!! I always look out for his results now and hope he will make the top 100 at some point.

Akhenaten · Pro player

Royal News

The most exciting news, since Senegal F1, was Togo's decision to resurrect their ancient monarchy. There was only ever going to be one candidate for the position; so two weeks ago, on a wave of overwhelming support, a jubilant nation celebrated the coronation of the tennis legend, Komlavi Loglo, crowned as new Supreme King of Togo.

Loglo said it won't change him, and that he'll always just be "Komlavi from the block".

Minutes later, he ordered his palace to be painted lilac. He said he wanted it to match the colour of his socks.

Akhenaten · Pro player

Er...

Sorry, still not found that list. To be honest I haven't the faintest idea who's actually playing here at all this week. I'm going to have a wander around now, and see what I can found out.

I did spot George Barth* and Professor Adam Vejmelka** earlier on though, they were hanging around the doughnut stall outside the gates.

* the 38-year-old twice-retired Donald-Duck-costume-wearing former-Ohian-showman American great.
** the mysteriously-disappearing-reappearing intense science-loving reigning Sudan F1 champion.

Akhenaten · Pro player

Space Dormice News

By good luck, I snuck a quick interview with big Bogdan "Victor" Leonte earlier today. Boggo's obsessional tendencies have reached new heights. He's started building space rockets! Only last week, he became the first man ever to send a dormouse into orbit. Bogdan is currently working on an ambitious project he calls 'fish in space'. Leonte is hoping to find the kind of form that brought him the Sudan F1 title back in 2005.

I asked him about the heady days of that great Sudanese win. He replied, "Ah. Sudan. The aardvarks. Those were indeed the days. Beat Amadeus Fulford-Jones you know. Built a dinghy. Yes indeed. Space is where it's at now though. Ah yes. And dormice. And fish. Lucky to beat Amadeus that year. He could have gone on to win it, you know. Ah yes. Played on brick last week. Um. Dormouses? Is it? Built a dinghy. Rain. I remember a lot of rain. Ah good memories. Did very well. Last week. Yes. Trout fly best you know. Herrings don't work. Shape's wrong. Beat a Romanian. I think. There were a lot of Romanians about in those days. And aardwolves. Yes indeed. Where's Amadeus from again? Owww!" An agitated dormouse bit Boggo on the nose, and ran off. My interview abruptly curtailed. Sue Darka* never has these kinds of problems...

* Sue Darka - Ghanaian no.1 in the 1970s, turned TV presenter. Mother of Henry Adjei-Darko**.
** Henry Adjei-Darko - 2005 Senegal F1 champion. Struggling with form since this year's Wally Masur - Chunky Peanut Butter Kit Kat fiasco at Ghana F1.

RobC · All-time great

wow - what is it you put in that shampoo?

Akhenaten · Pro player

Um...

I've still yet to spot many familiar faces. Just Boggo, Vejmelka and Barth really. Not even seen Amadeus Fulford-Jones yet!

One thing though (not that I'm one for gossip) but I'm sure George Barth is putting on weight - I've got serious reservations about that 10-doughnut-a-day diet he now swears by.

Akhenaten · Pro player

I've just received the most bizarre text message from Boggo. confused

"Pls luk after aardvarks. In Pakistan. Barth & Vejjy r 2."

Salmon · Tennis legend

Loving it.

Akhenaten · Pro player

King Loglo of Togo

Currently on a diplomatic visit to Tunisia, King Loglo won't be competing in this year's Namibia F1. He says he's taking time out from top-flight tennis to make his nation his first priority. Saying he wants more time to show Togo his style of leadership before announcing his next major tournament entry. Avid Ameron (Loglo's fiercest political critic) has accused Loglo of cowardice, claiming Loglo is letting the people of Togo down. "Loglo is scared of losing," condemned Ameron, "that's why he won't play Namibia F1. The man's got the bottle of a frightened yellow-bellied spoonbill!"

But Loglo has already responded to this criticism, by calling for his palace to be re-decorated in green and yellow - the colours of the Togoan flag - to show his undeniable support for his loyal country.

Akhenaten · Pro player

The full Bogdan story

Just got off the phone to Boggo.

This is his curious tale...

Bogdan invited Prof. Vejmelka and George Barth over for tea in his space-rocket.
The Professor reluctantly went, even though he prefers hot chocolate.
They enjoyed their tea (and their biscuits). Barth was elated by the appearance of the biscuits - he adores chocolate hobnobs.
Barth, waving his arms around in his biscuit-excitement, accidentally knocked a lever that really shouldn't have been knocked...
The rocket blasted off...
It landed in Pakistan.
By a stroke of luck, there was a tennis tournament about to start in Lahore.
They've all entered.
They're all very well and happy.

I've got to look after Bogdan's aardvarks. grrrr!

Akhenaten · Pro player

So who the hell is here??

I'm sure your wondering just who the rudy coco is actually playing here. Well don't worry! I've finally found a copy of the entry list. Hurrah! Okay, admittedly, a lot of notable players are missing, but the quality of the field here is still barely credible. Astonishing - just isn't the word for it.

The title contenders...

Raven Klaasen is many people's favourite for the title. Best remembered for his epic 2005 Nigeria F1 semi-final with Henry Adjei-Darko. The match has gone down in history as one of the greatest ever seen. Adjei-Darko eventually won the deciding tie-break 26-24. Whenever the tennis is rained off, this is almost inevitably what's being shown on TV!
Loglo-killer - Ed Seator - the man who caused the biggest upset in tennis's history. Back in March, when Seator beat the seemingly invincible Komlavi Loglo in the first round of Ghana F1, a gasp of incredulation was heard all over the world. Astonishing, as incredulation isn't even a word. Back then Seator was just a qualifier. Now, Seator is the No.2 seed and a real contender for the Namibia F1 title.
It has been said that Richard Ruckelshausen, the one time Namibia F1 quarterfinalist, is the greatest player never to have won a Royal Flush* title. Admittedly, it was said by some bloke selling doughnuts outside the gates, but nevertheless it has been said (once).
Fresh from his win in Cape Town last week, Dani Arsenov is hopeful of fulfilling his much-touted promise. Although obviously a far less important title, South Africa F1 has always been a good indicator as to the form of players going into Namibia F1. The quiet 18-year-old has rarely ventured outside his Russian homeland, but did come close to winning a bowl of oranges last year. Apparently that's a good thing!? Don't ask me...
And the no.1 seed, Matteo Volante. A man with no interesting facts.

* The Royal Flush is made up of the four biggest tournaments in world tennis. It dates way back to the time of the mighty Zulu King, Shaka. A keen tennis fan, King Shaka said that, "if any player ever won Senegal F1, Sudan F1, Ghana F1 and Namibia F1 in the same year, they will be granted exclusive rights of my very own private royal toilet."
But after centuries of trying, it has so far eluded everyone, including the greats. Komlavi Loglo, Pete Silverback, Benny Ciberman, Bar Ravel, Fred Pairjuise and Chief Seretse Kwena have all come close, but none have ever held that elusive Royal Flush.